The True Doctor
2019-01-01 22:38:17 UTC
The New Year's shit fest starts in 9th century England where Chibnall
shits over the face of history.
The Anglo-Saxons have managed to defeat a Dalek by melting its casing
after placing or trapping it on a wooden pyre. How a wooden pyre can
melt something far stronger than iron which requires a temperature 1510
degrees C to melt, which can only be produced by a blast furnace, is
never explained. Yet the Dalek metal case is seen completely melting,
and like the Dalek kindly decides to stay in place without firing while
they point their useless swords at it long enough for this to happen.
What was the casing made of, lead?
Afterwards the Dalek organism is split into three pieces and sent to all
four corners of the earth. Hum... All three corners of the earth. Um...
not quite corners. One piece is sent to Sheffield and the other two are
sent to Siberia and Anuta Island. These places are not even equidistant.
Apparently at this time King Alfred or his court have diplomatic
relations with Siberia and sub-Saharan Africa, since one of the people
entrusted with this task looks Mongolian and the other is obviously from
sub-Saharan Africa. Not only that but these people have also managed to
discover Anuta Island in the middle of the South Pacific, which after
this time no one ever hears of again until 1791.
Unfortunately for us, the woman entrusted with taking the 1/3 portion of
Dalek meat to Sheffield is shot dead before she can bury it like the
Why would anyone in their right mind trust such a task to a feeble woman
in the first place? Why didn't they just let thing burn on the Pyre?
After this the titles start and then begins a mind numbing soap opera
fest stating in the present day.
Chibnall proves that he doesn't have a clue how to write romance, in
trying to portray a relationship between a woman archaeologist and some
guy who's helping her out, portrayed as whip of course, as is the order
of things in Chibnall's SJW crap fests. So we have 10 minutes of
irreverent soap opera inflicted on us, and then the archaeologist
discovers the skeleton of the woman that was carrying the 1/3 Dalek back
in the 9th century.
Then by magic (claimed later-on to be ultra-violet light shining on it,
which Whittaker as usual pulls out of thin air) the 1/3 portion of Dalek
summons the the other two pieces, which magically teleport themselves to
it, and reconstructs itself as a giant squid which attaches itself to a
WHAT THE FUCK!?
Meanwhile another 20 minutes of irrelevant soap opera begins when Ryan's
dad comes to visit, and Graham being left along to talk to him.
Back in the TARDIS Whittaker surmises that Sheffield is in danger and
lands the TARDIS at the archaeological site which is under the town
hall, and starts pointing her sonic dildo at everyone.
The woman archaeologist after going out of sight to examine the Dalek
organism is taken control of by it, which then conceals itself under her
Everyone goes home and more irrelevant soap opera ensues.
The Dalek controlled archaeologist drives her car down a motorway at
high speed and is stopped by the police. She kills the police officers
with a Dalek gun.
If the gun is still working 1100 years later, then why didn't the Dalek
defend itself with it before?
The woman then takes the police car and a police jacket and drives to a
farm, where she kills the farmer the same way, and reassembles the Dalek
casing from parts of the original case that came from nowhere.
The irrelevant mind numbing soap opera involving Ryan's Dad continues
with Graham now joined by Ryan, and Whittaker attempts to do a chemical
analysis using a box of eggs.
Is this shit supposed to be educational? Why does she need a box of
fucking eggs from Graham's kitchen when she's got a fucking lab in the
TARDIS for fucks sake. Is Chibnall trying to get Whittaker to make a
joke? The Woman can't act. She has no understanding of humour, and
neither does Chibnall. Why can't her sonic dildo do the analysis, after
all it can do everything else for her.
So it's a Dalek, then. Everyone knew it was a fucking Dalek before the
episode even started, and worked out the entire plot. What does Chibnall
thinks he's don't by pretending that these some kind of mystery. The
brainless fool doesn't have a clue how to do mystery. It doesn't work
when the audience already knows what's coming.
So, Whittaker finally for once, decides to contact UNIT for once, but
UNIT has been disbanded in the UK because of Brexit. FOR FUCKS BLOODY
SAKE! Why does Chibnall think he's doing Little Britain?
Then, using her magic powers, Whittaker manages to work out the location
of the Dalek organism along with the woman archeologist from her mobile
phone signal. But the Dalek organism doesn't have a mobile phone so how
can she see that it's several meters away from the woman?
The TARDIS leaves with everyone including Ryan's dad and arrives at GCHQ
which the Dalek has decided will enable it to send a signal to the Dalek
fleet by diverting all of earth's power to the communications dishes and
pointing them at the sky, and bringing down the internet in the process.
GHCQ hasn't used visible radio dishes for the past 40 fucking years. All
of it's communications arrays are under covers, because if they were
not, the Russian would know where they were pointing at.
Just how fucking stupid does Chibnall think the audience are? There's
isn't enough power on the planet to send a detectable radio signal to
Alpha Centuri let alone to Skaro, and putting it though an ordinary
communications dish, fuck the dish, putting it though an ordinary power
transmission line will burn it out completely.
Besides which the dishes aren't even focused closely enough to
concentrate on something the size of a planet--and like the Dalek knows
it's exact position in its orbit, when it doesn't even have a clue what
century it's in--so most of the energy will not even reach it, and then
only after many years of travel.
Then ensures 10 more minutes of totally irrelevant mind numbing soap
opera which has no place at all in Doctor Who, about some woman's kids
complaining about having no internet. But how come the lights are still on?
Fuck Chibnall and his stupid shit! All of the soap opera could have been
cut out completely and made no difference to the story.
After hearing about how the Dalek was originally destroyed--like this
was actually recorded as history, then how come no one else have even
heard of it?--Whittaker emerges from the TARDIS under protection of a
force field and using her magic dildo destroys the reconstructed Dalek
casing by melting it.
But the Dalek creature survives and attaches itself to Ryan's Dad in the
TARDIS. So taking off to take it to the fleet--like how the fuck does
she know where it even is?--she creates a vacuum tunnel around the Dalek
and Ryan's dad, as if by magic, to suck the Dalek creature off Ryan's
dad's back, who Ryan manages to save before he is sucked out of the TARDIS.
Fifty minutes of irreverent mind numbing soap opera drivel broken up by
Chibnall's fifth rate rip-off of Dalek from Series 1.
Another pile of stinking excrement shat from Chibnall's fucking kolos,
padded out with mind numbing irrelevant soap opera and proving Chibnall
has no idea how to write science fiction, can't write romance either,
and can't do humour at all, especially with a shit talent-less actress
like Whittaker who still hasn't learned how to act, and she never will!
Now an 18 month long wait until the next series, because Chibnall wants
another fucking long holiday.
This has been the worst series ever!
Doctor Who would be better if it were cancelled entirely, than fans
having to suffer this shit being inflicted on them again.
The damage Chibnall and Whittaker have done is irreparable.